29 Feb 2012

1 juta

Kalau aku ada 1 juta ringgit Malaysia dalam bank, this is what i would do :


1) Beli iphone
2) Belanja mak pergi Haji
3) Belanja kakak aku pergi mana dia nak
4) Beli bapak motor besar
5) Pergi keliling dunia dalam masa sebulan
6) Bukak studio tari
7) Bukak cafe yg sangat cool
8) Sambung degree
9) Belanja azza and nad shopping or makan or pergi trip somewhere far


Urm... urm... urm..... tu jer yang mampu pikir takat ni.

Adios.

Btw, today is my first day of work.
Doing what I want to do.

Wish me luck. From today onwards :)

28 Feb 2012

I'm an idiot?

It's a mix feeling

Mix with blood, alcohol, joy, nicotine, sweat, tears, adrenaline

when you are not sure of what you want
you should just run far away and return in your best form.

Maybe that is what he is doing at this very moment.

And you telling the world that it is not easy to fall in love again put me in my biggest doubt.

25 Feb 2012

home on my mind

Semalam sampai ke kota Kelantan.

Rasa tenang
Sepeti pulang tanpa dosa
Seperti pulang dengan hati yang ikhlas

Semalam sampai ke kota Kelantan.

Langit biru seperti dalam lukisan
Hijau pohon melambai gembira
Jalan hanya ada dua tiga kereta

It feels amazing!

23 Feb 2012

Falling star

Dear falling star,

I'm making wishes on you now.

I wish for a clear mind,
I wish for a clear soul,
I wish for the best decisions.

I'm walking away for a while.
Doesn't mean I'm running away from my problem.
Doesn't mean I'm leaving it all behind.
Doesn't mean I don't care.

Bila otak terlalu banyak kata,
bila hati terlalu banyak tanya,
mungkin tiba masanya kau berlalu pergi,
pergi untuk sementara supaya semuanya lebih jelas dan tenang.
Mungkin kata mereka aku bodoh,
mungkin kata mereka aku lupa diri,
mungkin mereka perlu diam.
Diam sejenak.
Diam seketika.

21 Feb 2012

I'm a selfish whale

You know what whale are right?

They are all huge, even the babies is huge.
They could fill the water with their species.

When they eat, they'll open their mouth big and just swim through the water.
Then they'll filter what ever they want to eat and what ever they don't want will go out again through the filter system.

I'm a whale.
A selfish whale.
I eat all the pain, anger, happiness, sorrow, joy, numbness.
And now its time for me to filter it.
Take what are necessary for my body,mind and soul.
Let go what are not necessary.
Hoping that what ever it is, it would be for my own good.
Hoping that what ever it is, it would be for our own good.



I'm a selfish whale.

20 Feb 2012

What I want?

A good friend said to me today;

'Be honest with your heart'

And that is the hardest thing to do in life.

I usually ask myself, what do I want and try to be honest to myself.
My answer will be - I don't know

I don't know what I want and that sucks!
Its like walking without stepping on earth and just walk.
No destination
No aim
No goal
No results

Just walk and see what will happen.

When I was 12 years old,
I decided to do what I love the most - Dancing
I left my whole life in Malaysia, with that awesome feelings of knowing what I want to do.

Later in my life, I live it like there's no tomorrow.
Loving every moment of it, and knowing what I want.
Knowing exactly what I want.

When I was 16, I decided to come back home.
Because I was drifted away with all the social life and not doing what I want.

Came back, and continue to do what I want.
And i felt amazing.

December last year, I graduated. With Diploma in my hand.
It was amazing because I didn't know that I am capable of doing that.
I took the risk in order to get what I want.

Then, it all went so blur.
Sitting around not knowing what I want.
Rethinking, whether what I want is possible.
Redoing, hoping that what I want will come rolling to my feet.

Then, a wake up call
Now, I'm running chasing after what I want.

After so many years I have the courage to stand strong.
To stand tall.
To stand and look forward.

But still, my heart are not fill with all the joy that I should be feeling.

Realize how many 'what I want in this post'?

Because I used to be so sure

The two diva in my house

Sambil duduk dengar lagu
Kena layan perangai kucing dua ekor.

Sekor duduk belah kanan, sekor lagi belah kiri.
Dua-dua nak dimanjakan.
So dua-dua tangan kenalah memanjakan mereka pada waktu yang sama
sebab kalau tak, salah sekor akan pandang tepat pada mata aku dengan pandangan sinis dan tak puas hati sampai aku rasa segan dan tak sampai hati.

Sekarang ni,
dua-dua ekor tengah jilat-jilat badan derang.
Sebab tu boleh tulis ni.

Herannya, derang decide untuk jilat badan pada waktu yang sama.

Hailah kucing...

18 Feb 2012

Project Disco Baldi

Just now was fun.

Gelak paling gila aku sampai menangis-nangis.
Gelak paling gila aku sampai sakit muscle perut 6 pax aku ni.

Theatre is always fun.
Tak kira la what type or genre of theatre.

Tadi aku pergi tengok Project Disco Baldi punya show.
Selalu sangat dah dengar pasal derang ni. Tak penah tengok lagi.
Cuma tgk on youtube jer.
And it was AMAZING!
Amazingly funny, hilarious yang gelak sampai nak terjatuh kerusi.
And yet, it evolve around our society. Message tu pun ada yang nak disampaikan.
Tak gelak bodoh jer.

Anyway, sapa yang tak tengok lagi. Pergi la.
Ni nikmat dunia. Serious tak tipu.

Abang Remi! I nak signnnnnnnnnn.. haha

oh, THANK YOU :)

16 Feb 2012

Sea :)

Oh how i belong by the sea
the sound of the birds flying over me
the wave breaking by the shore
the cloud so blue brings all the joy

Oh how i belong by the sea
the smiling faces all you can see
the pain vanishes through the horizon
the dream seems closer than you could imagine

Oh how i belong by the sea
the lights so bring at night
the rhythm of the music playing loud
the stars and moon follow through the night

Hantu

Mimpi buruk tu tak best.

Semalam ada mimpi, tapi baru pagi tadi ingat.
Mimpi tu hitam putih

Aku tengah baring atas katil
Kat penjuru atas pintu,
ada soramg perempuan rambut panjang.
Duduk bertinggung tengok aku
tepat pada mata
dia pakai baju putih labuh ala-ala long dress, tapi takda manik la.

Mata dia bulat besar.
Muka dia macam horor.

Ini terjadi mungkin sebab ada tengok gambar.
Teringat sampai mimpi.

Relationship + pintu

Relationships break up ni rasa macam tangan terkepit pintu.

Why? Because :

Before tangan kita terkepit, kita buat rekax jer. Pintu tu kita anggap macam tak da benda, maybe sebab setiap hari pun kita bukak tutup. Dah expert kononnya.
Bila sekali tangan terkepit, baru mata terbukak, terbeliak luas. Baru sedar sekeliling kita ni luas rupanya. Sakit tu, Ya Allah... DIA jer yang tahu. Patu kita akan tengok tangan kita sama ada luka ker, kuku tercabut ker (tapi dalam kes patah hati tak boleh lah. mana boleh check sesuka hati)
Pastu baru kita menyesal dan sedar.

Dalam otak mesti kata
'Kenapalah aku tak tengok sambil tutup pintu tu'
'Kenapa lah leka sangat'
'Kalau tengok mesti tak kena'

Kalau kuku hilang pulak dalam otak mesti kata
'Buruk la tangan aku tak da kuku satu'
'Kesian kuku aku satu ni tak da'
'Kalau la aku tengok betul-betul, mungkin kuku aku ni ada lagi'

Pastu meraung-raung sakitnya.

Sama jugak dalam cinta.
Bila hadap hari-hari, macam tak da benda. Dah expert kononnya.
We tend to forget what our partner really mean to us.
We tend to take things for granted.

Then if one day, he / she is not by our side,
We will feel the pain, the emptiness.
Then one day we might regret for taking he / she for granted.

Never let this happen to you.
Everyday, cherish your partner.
Everyday, shower them with love.
Everyday, care for them like there's no tomorrow.

Maybe its easier to say it than to do it.
But try; It's never too late

p/s: this is not just for couples. Can also be for family, animals, and other human being

15 Feb 2012

Dearest Papa

Papa

You are the greatest; you should know that.

But Papa,
I don'y know why, we always have something to argue about.
Small little things, small little laugh, small little talks
- small little things that lead to big huge arguments.

Bukan tak nak cakap,
bukan tak nak tanya kabar,
bukan sebab saja buat tak tahu,

kadang takut kalau perkara sekecil habuk boleh besar jadi lain
kadang takut gelak sinis papa boleh bagi adik melenting tak tentu arah
kadang takut kalau sebab apa adik cakap, papa sakit hati

I don't want that to happen pa..
I've done so many stupid things, crazy things, silly things,
but you are always there. ALWAYS.
the less I can do is to keep your heart from being broken to pieces because of my words.

Mungkin,
adik terlalu seperti papa.
Perangai, muka, cara, fikiran, ego - semua terlalu sama

Mungkin,
 :)

14 Feb 2012

Only you

Waking up in the morning
wiping off my tears
saying to myself ; 'You are a strong girl Dalili. You can go through this'

This is not easy
neither it is hard

semua seperti berjalan tanpa menapak kaki di bumi
rasanya seperti.. entah.. tak mampu untuk di jelaskan.

Mungkin tuhan ada rancangan lebih baik, lebih besar, lebih sempurna
Mungkin tangis hari ni akan diganti dengan tawa hingga tua
Mungkin risau ni akan diberi pasti yang selamanya

God,
please guide me through this time.

Make me a better person
stronger
lovable
independent
and all that you can make me become

Only you, that will always be there for me no matter my ups and down.
ONLY YOU

God's creation

We are too caught up with something that sometimes we forget to embrace what is around us.

Right now
I'm sitting at my balcony
inhaling the beauty that God gave to us

It's raining
and the birds are flying, swimming through the rain
so full of joy
so full of freedom

I can feel the rain dropping on me
and it feels amazing
it feels as though nothing in this world is wrong
every moment seems so wide and reachable

I feel like I'm flying together with the birds
feel the wind
the rain
the sun
the sound
the view

Mesmerizing.

12 Feb 2012

ONE?

I used to imagine my life with you.

How our wedding would be
How our kids would look like
How will we be when we are older
How will we live together
How things will be amazing
How things will be according to plan

Today
Everything became so blur
so not believable
so far
so ......

Empty

11 Feb 2012

Doubt

The moment you have doubt

doubt in yourself
doubt in your surrounding
doubt in your partner
doubt in your relationship

You should take a step back,
think, feel, analyze

Why do you even come to that moment?
moment of doubting everything that you used to be so sure of.
What goes wrong?
Why does it went wrong?

If only I could get an answer. IF ONLY  

10 Feb 2012

Juction

I'm in the middle of nowhere

The junction in front of me seems so confusing.
so, i just stand in the middle,
wondering which road shall I take.

Ketika satu keputusan mejadi begitu payah
begitu lelah, begitu meresahkan.

So?
Tell me God. Show it to me.

9 Feb 2012

Tears are falling like crazy.
I can't control them.

I can't

Christina Perri - Arms (Official Music Video)



'I hope that you catch me cause I'm already falling'

Ya Allah

Allah hanya menguji umatnya mengikut batas kemampuan seseorang itu untuk menanggungnya.

February - 
Penuh cubaan dan dugaan. Satu demi satu Allah turunkan ujian untuk aku.
Memang sakit, sedih dan kecewa dengan diri sendiri (kerana semua terjadi akibat khilaf sendiri)
but life have to move on.
Life doesn't stop there at that moment.

Aku diam tak berarti marah
Aku marah tak berarti benci
Aku ketawa tak berarti gembira
Aku pejam tak berarti lena

Sometimes all you want to hear is these words :
Everything will be okay :)

Bang bang boom!

If I write now,

It will be full with anger
It will be full with tears
It will be full with pain

Might as well shut my brain. my mouth and my eyes for a minute

8 Feb 2012

Heart break

Heart broken should not let you down.
It should lift up a new spirit in your life, it should take you to next level.

yes, maybe for a few days or month you can crash and cry, sleep and try to disappear

But then, you should wake up and run, smile then laugh!

Adele made a song when she was heart broken and look at her now.

I guess when she was standing on the stage of Royal Albert Hall she feels so proud.
Proud for herself because she moved on

Muka macam ....

Cuba la cakap muka aku macam Liyana Fizi ker, Salma Hayek ker, seronok sikit aku melalui hari-hari aku nanti. Tapi kalau cakap muka aku macam Ana Rafali ..... aku rasa..... aku rasa........


HAISHHHHHHHH...

Tak baik la wei.. setiap manusia Allah ciptakan dengan khas masing-masing.

Jadi aku tak sama macam dia.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

7 Feb 2012

my time

i run from one side to another
i jump and crawl like no other

wondering why life is so difficult 
wondering why people is so unpredictable
words sometimes just stuck in our mouth
no way to let it out


tik tok tik tok
times goes on and it will never stop
when it stop.....................................


think...??!!

forgiveness effect physically, mentally, emotionally.

i jumped because i thought that you will be there to catch me,
but you are not there.

i injured myself,
and you are not there to take care of me,
i cried,
and you are not there to wipe my tears.

so i smile,
and you are there smiling beside me.
then i laugh,
and you then laugh back,
but laughing at me,
for being stupid because i trusted you.

Get together

maybe because I don't know how to talk,
maybe because I don't know how to smile,
maybe because I don't know how to be fake,
maybe I talk too much,
maybe I don't know what are they talking about,
maybe I don't talk.

I wonder
do I have to be fake to get along with people?
do I have to laugh even though I think it's not funny?

I wish
I'm there together so I don't have to wonder what is it about,
I'm a girl with good acting skills so I can act like I'm into the conversation when I'm not,
I'm fun enough to be in the fun group,
I'm crazy enough so I'll get the crazy story that they are telling.

I just want to be me when I'm with me.
Try

Hati tak tenang kala bangun pagi

Entah gelisah kerana apa
Entah berdebar kerana apa

Mungkin aku yang salah
salah kerana maukan lebih dari cinta
salah kerana rasa aku layak untuk cinta

Mandi bunga pun tak mampu hilangkan hati tak tenang

Aku gila!

maaf,
emosi aku ini kadang bisa gila,
amarah aku ini kadang bisa membara tapi cepat hilangnya,
rasa aneh aku ini timbulkan ribuan tanda tanya,
rasa gementar aku ini hilangkan semua idea di minda.

maaf.

Ache

If my heart are as big as this world,
I wouldn't mind if you wanna take it piece by piece
or even break it to half.
But because my heart are just as small as my palm,
I can feel the pain when you do it,
I can feel the part that you are pulling.
Piece by piece
And it hurt me so badly inside.
But you just can't see it and you just can't feel it.

Mati di dalamnya

i guess the tears that is falling will not change anything.
words are just to help.
action are just to convince.
but feeling speak louder than anything above.

aku sudah tak tahu harus apa.
aku sudah benci untuk membuka mata.
andai kamu tahu apa itu rasa hina.

the moment it happen,
that was the moment you stop.
that was the moment that killed me,
deep inside me.
Tonight,
just the thought of it make me decide to do this blog.

Doesn't matter if there's no reader
Just Sita and her story